Find yourself before its too late!
Breaking her silence in this article is Rithu Patke, an Oxford graduate, a wife, a mother and a grandmother.
According to me every human being is struggling to make the best of 5 things in his/her life, namely Family, Friends, Home, Health & Wealth. Out of these, 3 if lost can be regained easily through hard work & enterprise…. Home, Friends, Wealth. But the remaining 2, i.e. Family & Health are impossible to regain once lost!! So, it’s Important to manage them to the best of one’s ability while one can….
Being a Champion for under eighteen, representing Maharashtra in athletics and a trained Bharat Natyam dancer, aches & pains were totally unknown to me!! I was always very fit & always on the go but then I committed the cardinal sin of ignoring my health.
I got married early into a traditional Brahmin Pune family, which was totally different from the background I came from, took a while getting used to. EVERYTHING was different & took some adjusting from my side primarily. So, my usual routine was set aside, & my slide into domesticity started. I got pregnant quite soon, learnt that we were going to have twins, both my husband & me were overjoyed that we would be done in one shot!! As we always wanted only two children…. but fate would have it otherwise! I had exaggerated symptoms of nausea, weight gain, etc all associated with twin pregnancy. I wasn’t too careful (due to a host of reasons), slipped badly into my seventh month, fell hard on my back, then couple days after, had a cord prolapse and had to be rushed to hospital for an emergency caesarean where I delivered two boys!!
Due to the complications during labour, we lost a son on the 5th day after his birth. This had untold effect on me in every which way…physical, mental, emotional!! I had to go home & take care of my infant premature baby son, who was difficult to handle as he was intuitively missing his twin, & me trying to cope with the loss of a son, was trying my best to take care of the remaining one.!!! It wasn’t east. I wouldn’t let anyone come near him, touch him or look after him, as the Dr told me that single handed care would be best for my son…so I followed it to the letter. For one year it was a 24/7 Job for me…my world consisted of only me & my son. Feeding him, ( he was too weak to feed at one go so would go off to sleep in the middle of feeding, I would let him rest up & then start all over again…this would continue right through the day….then bathing him, putting him to sleep, etc In all this I totally ignored my health. I didn’t have any of the aftercare usually associated with post-delivery which is routinely given to a new mum. How I learnt to regret it later & to this day…. When he was 3, I conceived again, was terrified as had nightmares about the first time…other circumstances were as usual, but thankfully this time round I had a comparatively smooth pregnancy & delivered a baby girl through normal means. Again, with all routine baby care, with a toddler as well, my health was put on the back seat. No massage, special rest/food, etc was had…. for which I’m paying the price even today.
I remember my doctor telling me that children will feed off all the energy you have, & if you don’t take care now, you’ll pay the price later. Little was I to realize how true her words would turn out to be in my case. Soon after we moved to SG…(30 years ago!!) again, the demands of the job kept my husband tied up & me looking after kids, home & hearth entirely by myself…shopping, cooking, taking care of the kids, school PTA’s etc, guests, home requirements, etc were handled by me nonstop & I put my health & needs on the back burner. Soon kids were going through junior school, middle school to senior schools & then college…parents on both sides started having health issues so my trips to India became very frequent. This went on for a few years as I was handling their health issues, with kids ready to leave home for their studies abroad…so I was literally on flights at a moment’s notice…be it for kids, parents or parents in law!!
This I guess, is the story of many of us women. We put ourselves last on the list of priorities & when we realize where we are health wise, it’s a tad too late. Life can be a whirlwind and it’s so easy to lose sight of the bigger picture when one is living life without a pause. It’s a common scenario to get caught up in the maze of life and its intricacies, be it work, kids, relationships, family commitments and various errands, forgetting or ignoring the very essential “self-care”. Self-care may feel indulgent but is actually a very quintessential aspect of our life that gets ignored. Even a few minutes of self-care can amplify one’s abilities to achieve so much more in one’s day. So, be it meditation, gardening, reading, music or simply doing anything that brings you to a relaxed state of mind, find your 5 minutes of self-care before its too late! Rithu Patke
Being a Champion for under eighteen, representing Maharashtra in athletics and a trained Bharat Natyam dancer, aches & pains were totally unknown to me!! I was always very fit & always on the go but then I committed the cardinal sin of ignoring my health.
I got married early into a traditional Brahmin Pune family, which was totally different from the background I came from, took a while getting used to. EVERYTHING was different & took some adjusting from my side primarily. So, my usual routine was set aside, & my slide into domesticity started. I got pregnant quite soon, learnt that we were going to have twins, both my husband & me were overjoyed that we would be done in one shot!! As we always wanted only two children…. but fate would have it otherwise! I had exaggerated symptoms of nausea, weight gain, etc all associated with twin pregnancy. I wasn’t too careful (due to a host of reasons), slipped badly into my seventh month, fell hard on my back, then couple days after, had a cord prolapse and had to be rushed to hospital for an emergency caesarean where I delivered two boys!!
Due to the complications during labour, we lost a son on the 5th day after his birth. This had untold effect on me in every which way…physical, mental, emotional!! I had to go home & take care of my infant premature baby son, who was difficult to handle as he was intuitively missing his twin, & me trying to cope with the loss of a son, was trying my best to take care of the remaining one.!!! It wasn’t east. I wouldn’t let anyone come near him, touch him or look after him, as the Dr told me that single handed care would be best for my son…so I followed it to the letter. For one year it was a 24/7 Job for me…my world consisted of only me & my son. Feeding him, ( he was too weak to feed at one go so would go off to sleep in the middle of feeding, I would let him rest up & then start all over again…this would continue right through the day….then bathing him, putting him to sleep, etc In all this I totally ignored my health. I didn’t have any of the aftercare usually associated with post-delivery which is routinely given to a new mum. How I learnt to regret it later & to this day…. When he was 3, I conceived again, was terrified as had nightmares about the first time…other circumstances were as usual, but thankfully this time round I had a comparatively smooth pregnancy & delivered a baby girl through normal means. Again, with all routine baby care, with a toddler as well, my health was put on the back seat. No massage, special rest/food, etc was had…. for which I’m paying the price even today.
I remember my doctor telling me that children will feed off all the energy you have, & if you don’t take care now, you’ll pay the price later. Little was I to realize how true her words would turn out to be in my case. Soon after we moved to SG…(30 years ago!!) again, the demands of the job kept my husband tied up & me looking after kids, home & hearth entirely by myself…shopping, cooking, taking care of the kids, school PTA’s etc, guests, home requirements, etc were handled by me nonstop & I put my health & needs on the back burner. Soon kids were going through junior school, middle school to senior schools & then college…parents on both sides started having health issues so my trips to India became very frequent. This went on for a few years as I was handling their health issues, with kids ready to leave home for their studies abroad…so I was literally on flights at a moment’s notice…be it for kids, parents or parents in law!!
This I guess, is the story of many of us women. We put ourselves last on the list of priorities & when we realize where we are health wise, it’s a tad too late. Life can be a whirlwind and it’s so easy to lose sight of the bigger picture when one is living life without a pause. It’s a common scenario to get caught up in the maze of life and its intricacies, be it work, kids, relationships, family commitments and various errands, forgetting or ignoring the very essential “self-care”. Self-care may feel indulgent but is actually a very quintessential aspect of our life that gets ignored. Even a few minutes of self-care can amplify one’s abilities to achieve so much more in one’s day. So, be it meditation, gardening, reading, music or simply doing anything that brings you to a relaxed state of mind, find your 5 minutes of self-care before its too late! Rithu Patke
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